1:19 AM, and the moon still treads its steady path. This is not the end, this is just a beginning. Seeking is not itself the answer, but a means to finding it. The answer, as much as it can be culled down to a singularity, lies in everything. It is all around us. It is the fight and the flight, the terror and the horror, the sorrow and the sadness, the rumination and the remembering, the elation and the expectation. The answer lies in the finding, not the seeking. Seeking is an action, not a place to dwell. These abstract notions put together in words make a kind of sense, but it is not the real sense. The real sense is the real. In the experiential we find the present and eternity. All abstractions or generalizations of this real are fabrication, tools implemented to hide and comfort. With that concealing and congenial order they appear to impart, there is some violence done to the original. There is an order, but it does not reside in numbers or figures on paper. It is an ebb and a flow, a natural state of bliss that can be achieved through the real. That is where we belong, and where we keep ourselves from, for fear of the unknown.
---
I want to print this on paper for the aesthetics of it. Standardized serifs litter a page, giving a feeling of righteousness. The page was blank, but it has been imparted with meaning, or perhaps it has shown forth its latent meaning. The Platonic recollection is a kind of image, letting us move tectonic plates in our remembering--the process of discovery. The cover has been undone, and what is remains. It's very abstract and philosophical, this pursuit of the Real and other capitalized nouns, but it is also a concrete and practical occupation. We cannot pretend not to live with our minds, and we (or at least I) can only hope not to live in them. So (as much as I can use "ergo"-style rhetoric in this mush of a logic) the finding is a visceral, earthly adventure. It is rocky and rough, and we cannot pass over this trail without our feet bleeding and our bones breaking. This universe is not a syllogistic one. We exist through connection, and the one thing with which to connect is the real.
---
I don't want to overthink all this shit. I mean, really. We're all here, so what. We might as well enjoy ourselves. I read about people saying that you can't really be a writer unless it's necessary for you to write. You can't not do it. You do it in your free time whether you're getting paid or not, and not always for enjoyment. It's a way of life, an obsession, a ceaseless mantra striking the drums in your head even as you obey and scrawl your yarn. Do I have that obsession? I must be talking less formally in this paragraph, because I'm using more contractions and speaking in the first person. I must have written this a few weeks ago, because it sounds familiar to me--the beauty lies in the act of translation. It's true that we can't transport the abstract into the concrete, we can't really codify an experience. But the beauty is in the experience of creating that approximation, that translation. If it is a good translation, it may stir up some of the same untranslatable sensations in a receiver (reader, listener, viewer, etc). For me, is it that aspect of connecting with what IS and translating it what I want to do? It's not about the result, and I don't know that it ever has been. It's about the experience of approximating. It's exploring those pieces that you never would have seen unless you had to dig through and find the right little structures to attach things to. The right words, notes, images, whatever. This is very philosophical and I know there's at least an aspect of my rotational mind (the new moniker for my mortal enemy) in it. But that's just it--it's another aspect of the appeal of this...whatever you want to call it. This experience, this art, this mantra, this painfully unavoidable way of living. Maybe it's the only way to really live, at least for me. But the rational aspect of it, the exercise of creating structures from nothing, of the information coursing through, of the aesthetics of the technical, also resides in this space for me. It is enjoyable to do meta-art and consider what it is to create, to translate into a communicable medium. What is more artistic than art about art? (Concluding rhetorical question for effect.)
I'm escaping into the mind palace again, leaving behind the anger-rage that was at the beginning of the last page. I'm rebuilding my bubble. It's overtaking me again. My mind is OK with these last paragraphs because they're safe. They're rational. "It's alright, that's why you like this stuff! You can do this, as long as you come back to this place and check in frequently." Curse my rotational mind. Damn it to hell and let it burn. It has given me nothing but pain. It is a block that keeps me from the real. Sure, it's undoubtedly keeping me alive in a lot of ways (I'm still paying my bills, for now), but it. is. not. real. It shouldn't take a Jill Bolte Taylor kind of episode to connect with what is.
This kind of writing is similar in form to writing I've done in the past. I feel bad, angsty, malignant, dulled, crushed. So I write. Partially to indulge myself in the feeling and entice it to stay, but also to encourage it to leave and let me go back to my distracted life. To my web-surfing, book-hoarding-but-not-reading, amassing information for some unknown, abstract reason. I hope that this writing is a little bit different though. The goal is not just to entice the angst to stay, but with the goal of using it to propel me into connection. To the real.
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
12 May, 2015
11 April, 2011
Ἐνεργεία, or Being-At-Work
Life is thoroughly confusing. There is so much to do, and yet breaks must be taken. Relaxation is necessary for activity. Aristotle knew.
I'm incredibly busy. Between being embroiled with Sweeney Todd (un-italicized so as to preserve the ambiguity of discussing either the show or the character), writing a paper on Nicomachean Ethics, doing the normal load of St. John's homework, and working part-time at the art gallery, I haven't exactly had much time for leisure. No worries, though, as it will all be over soon.
Stress is directly linked to health (as I learned last year), and I have been improving on that front. I may have a lot on my plate, but it's still not worth it to be worrying about things when I am not or can't work on them. I have avoided becoming ill this entire semester, which in my current situation is a feat (no jinxes, please).
Working through Aristotle, Plato, Lucretius, Sophocles, Aeschylus, Homer, and other authors of their ilk is really giving me perspective on the levels of achievement possible. Not only did all these guys think for a good long while about stuff, but they are still conveying those ideas to us in an interesting and engaging way thousands of years later. Not only their original words, but the translators we are reading are taking the ideas and literally re-forming them into a new language we can understand. Joe Sachs may be my new hero. The power and immortality of the written word occupies my thoughts more and more often.
On a less philosophical level, I am wondering about my choice to stay here in Santa Fe this summer. I'll be working full-time, which means income (which hopefully means a digital SLR in my future), but I won't be at home. It's all just life, and the only thing constant is change, so I can't fight it. They say home is where you hang your hat, or where your heart is, or something like that, but it doesn't feel like I can so easily change my definition. I have my better-than-ideal home situation, my family, and at least a part of me will always consider that home. Nonetheless, I must first take a step forward to be able to really decide if I want to stay put. I'll go on the Oregon Trail, see the Pacific, and then decide if I want to return to the East. Hopefully I won't die of dysentery on the way.
I am making good friends here, but more importantly, I am becoming self-sufficient. Like James Redfield says in The Celestine Prophecy, people are always looking for the other half to complete their circle, but they don't realize that they must first complete their own circle, and then they can join it with another full circle. Though, looking back on that book, it has much less weight than it did when I first read it, if any, so I'll take whatever it says with a big grain of salt. Like the kind a horse licks. A horse-lick of salt, you could say. A salty horse-lick. A licky horse-salt. Yes.
Free and wanton and enigmatic and perverse and infatuated and scared and confused and ecstatic and fulfilled and desirous and prepossessed.
Nothing like nice series of adjectives to sum up an evening.
I'm incredibly busy. Between being embroiled with Sweeney Todd (un-italicized so as to preserve the ambiguity of discussing either the show or the character), writing a paper on Nicomachean Ethics, doing the normal load of St. John's homework, and working part-time at the art gallery, I haven't exactly had much time for leisure. No worries, though, as it will all be over soon.
Stress is directly linked to health (as I learned last year), and I have been improving on that front. I may have a lot on my plate, but it's still not worth it to be worrying about things when I am not or can't work on them. I have avoided becoming ill this entire semester, which in my current situation is a feat (no jinxes, please).
Working through Aristotle, Plato, Lucretius, Sophocles, Aeschylus, Homer, and other authors of their ilk is really giving me perspective on the levels of achievement possible. Not only did all these guys think for a good long while about stuff, but they are still conveying those ideas to us in an interesting and engaging way thousands of years later. Not only their original words, but the translators we are reading are taking the ideas and literally re-forming them into a new language we can understand. Joe Sachs may be my new hero. The power and immortality of the written word occupies my thoughts more and more often.
On a less philosophical level, I am wondering about my choice to stay here in Santa Fe this summer. I'll be working full-time, which means income (which hopefully means a digital SLR in my future), but I won't be at home. It's all just life, and the only thing constant is change, so I can't fight it. They say home is where you hang your hat, or where your heart is, or something like that, but it doesn't feel like I can so easily change my definition. I have my better-than-ideal home situation, my family, and at least a part of me will always consider that home. Nonetheless, I must first take a step forward to be able to really decide if I want to stay put. I'll go on the Oregon Trail, see the Pacific, and then decide if I want to return to the East. Hopefully I won't die of dysentery on the way.
I am making good friends here, but more importantly, I am becoming self-sufficient. Like James Redfield says in The Celestine Prophecy, people are always looking for the other half to complete their circle, but they don't realize that they must first complete their own circle, and then they can join it with another full circle. Though, looking back on that book, it has much less weight than it did when I first read it, if any, so I'll take whatever it says with a big grain of salt. Like the kind a horse licks. A horse-lick of salt, you could say. A salty horse-lick. A licky horse-salt. Yes.
Free and wanton and enigmatic and perverse and infatuated and scared and confused and ecstatic and fulfilled and desirous and prepossessed.
Nothing like nice series of adjectives to sum up an evening.
23 March, 2011
Currently
At this distinct moment in time, powered by donuts, coffee, and copious amounts of to-read literature, all I really want to do is a moment-by-moment, perfect, immaculate real-life recreation of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I would obviously play the part of Cameron. I just need, khakis, the shirt, and loafers. I already have the suspenders and swagger. I also need to fill all the other characters, but I have enough people in my life who have attained a sufficiently high level of awesome that could more than suffice.
Who would you be? Ferris, or Rooney?
Who would you be? Ferris, or Rooney?
01 March, 2011
Journey
Keeping aware is hard. There are approximately 700,000 things happening this very second, if not more. How in the world can I keep track of them? I can’t. I can fess up to that right now. So there. Done.
I have this ideal image of a machine, a brilliant mechanism of spectacular technical capabilities. Taking in and putting out clear, clean, precise information in an easy, efficient manner. Little bits of knowledge on a crystal-fragment series of conveyor belts, never being misplaced or forgotten for a second.
We’re all on this perpetual, mandatory journey. All the street signs glare at us, giving so many options. Sometimes opportunities, sometimes distractions, sometimes disappointments. We sleep, we drive cars, we play baseball, we write novels, we go swimming, we screw in lightbulbs. Infinitely intricate simplicity.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going nonetheless. I’m learning to simplify, to appreciate, to love. I’m learning.
Streetlights above, I strive.
11 February, 2011
11-02-2011
Sometimes I just want to get these clear, wonderful objects out of my head and onto the page, but I know they will never be the same. Great as they are at helping me experience the world, my fingers are not very good at communicating. Nor is my voice. Everything tries, and everything struggles.
It’s like these little bits of light that bounce around inside my head, orbiting around the various gravity centers of my brain, all searching for meaning and purpose. But that’s really just the big, corporate monolith Conscience talking. The lights aren’t looking for anything, because they just are. And that’s what I want them to be. The communication conveyor belt is still routed through the corporate underground, and management isn’t always happy with me, so the lights come out a bit fragmented and significantly dimmed.
Sometimes, late at night, or in a warm shower, I think. The beams shine around and illuminate incredible, vast landscapes filled to the nth degree with intricate detail. Vagueries and inconsistent comprehensions flub out onto aural and visual pathways, but they get run over by the cross traffic in the process. I see, hear, and feel so much, but it’s all stuck inside. I can try to share the picture, and a muffled version might escape, but the resulting image will be a whole new panorama.
Iridescent thoughts and indefinable mental creations. Incommunicable. Who knew this gray matter in my head was so enigmatic?
I wish you could see it. I’ll keep practicing. Maybe someday you will.
Maybe someday you will.
It’s like these little bits of light that bounce around inside my head, orbiting around the various gravity centers of my brain, all searching for meaning and purpose. But that’s really just the big, corporate monolith Conscience talking. The lights aren’t looking for anything, because they just are. And that’s what I want them to be. The communication conveyor belt is still routed through the corporate underground, and management isn’t always happy with me, so the lights come out a bit fragmented and significantly dimmed.
Sometimes, late at night, or in a warm shower, I think. The beams shine around and illuminate incredible, vast landscapes filled to the nth degree with intricate detail. Vagueries and inconsistent comprehensions flub out onto aural and visual pathways, but they get run over by the cross traffic in the process. I see, hear, and feel so much, but it’s all stuck inside. I can try to share the picture, and a muffled version might escape, but the resulting image will be a whole new panorama.
Iridescent thoughts and indefinable mental creations. Incommunicable. Who knew this gray matter in my head was so enigmatic?
I wish you could see it. I’ll keep practicing. Maybe someday you will.
Maybe someday you will.
19 November, 2010
The iPhonization of My Life
I wonder about levels of purity within myself. In both the physical and mental/spiritual senses. There are things I can do or not do, habits I can adopt or abolish, things I can strive for or disregard. What things are best? This depends on what I want. So what do I want?
That gargantuan question aside, my decision rests on
1. what I want to be taking in, and
2. what I am spending my time putting out.
Now, more on each point in simultaneity. Though some things might be pleasant, are they what I want to be spending my time on? This sounds petty and ridiculous, but I have a Twitter. It's dumb, really. I originally made it to easily track what news articles I was reading, and I still think it can function in that capacity. But the draw of mostly-worthless 144-character comments by celebrities and people I don't really know is just a time-suck. I should never actually open the site; I should just post things by clicking the "Share" button.
Moving on from what could become a pitiful whine-session about the faults of Twitter, we can look at the more abstract elements it represents. I'm putting out worthless things (tweets), and taking in worthless things (more tweets). As Stephen Covey would say, this is a lose-lose situation. Do I really need to read all those Tumblr posts? How much profit/pleasure do I really get out of reading friends' Facebook statuses? The answers to these questions are stop, no, and not much.
Take this in contrast to the iPhone (or any "normal" cell phone). It represents so much *stuff* that can attack at any moment: you could get an email, a text, a Facebook alert, the Dictionary.com word of the day, a note that you need to update 7 of your 41 apps, and maybe a call or two. This all sits somewhere within your conscious or subconscious self, cluttering up the space, if not actively distracting. Being productive is about focus; humans can't actually multi-task.
Beyond what I'm taking in and putting out, it's about what I allow into my life. If I don't buy that full season of that one great TV show, I won't have the temptation to watch it. Plus I'll have thirty extra bucks to boot. But there is a place for that TV show. As I always seem to say, it boils down to balance. There are nights that it's OK to just sit and enjoy some mindless entertainment.
The essential question (at least today) is where that balance lies. To at least get closer to this balance, we must simply live and make, but not repeat, mistakes. The fear of mis-stepping prevents us from walking.
The bombardment of following the news just needs constant examination. In light of these thoughts, I just need to think ahead about what I will get out of it, and decide if that outcome is beneficial, neutral, or negative. Being aware, allowing myself to make mistakes, and learning from them is the key. Living is the key. Living, consciously.
The unexamined life is not worth living.
-- Socrates, Apology
That gargantuan question aside, my decision rests on
1. what I want to be taking in, and
2. what I am spending my time putting out.
Now, more on each point in simultaneity. Though some things might be pleasant, are they what I want to be spending my time on? This sounds petty and ridiculous, but I have a Twitter. It's dumb, really. I originally made it to easily track what news articles I was reading, and I still think it can function in that capacity. But the draw of mostly-worthless 144-character comments by celebrities and people I don't really know is just a time-suck. I should never actually open the site; I should just post things by clicking the "Share" button.
Moving on from what could become a pitiful whine-session about the faults of Twitter, we can look at the more abstract elements it represents. I'm putting out worthless things (tweets), and taking in worthless things (more tweets). As Stephen Covey would say, this is a lose-lose situation. Do I really need to read all those Tumblr posts? How much profit/pleasure do I really get out of reading friends' Facebook statuses? The answers to these questions are stop, no, and not much.
I have been thinking about this for awhile, and always have to some extent, but what really clarified my thoughts was learning about John's Phones. It's a phone that does absolutely nothing but make calls. It has a one-line display on the top, and you keep your contact numbers in a little paper booklet tucked in the back of the phone. It's quad-band and takes any SIM card, so it will work with practically any network.
Beyond what I'm taking in and putting out, it's about what I allow into my life. If I don't buy that full season of that one great TV show, I won't have the temptation to watch it. Plus I'll have thirty extra bucks to boot. But there is a place for that TV show. As I always seem to say, it boils down to balance. There are nights that it's OK to just sit and enjoy some mindless entertainment.
The essential question (at least today) is where that balance lies. To at least get closer to this balance, we must simply live and make, but not repeat, mistakes. The fear of mis-stepping prevents us from walking.
The bombardment of following the news just needs constant examination. In light of these thoughts, I just need to think ahead about what I will get out of it, and decide if that outcome is beneficial, neutral, or negative. Being aware, allowing myself to make mistakes, and learning from them is the key. Living is the key. Living, consciously.
The unexamined life is not worth living.
-- Socrates, Apology
03 October, 2010
.transgress
There is some absolute way that I can be everything, and nothing. I don't know what that means, exactly, but it's possible. I could be absolutely anything I wanted to, and because it's all in how I view it, I could, theoretically, simultaneously be nothing.
I have to drink up everything I can, suck it all in, because I only get this one chance. This one short, brief, little opportunity to experience everything I can.
I can throw away everything I've ever had. I could. I don't know if I could let myself, currently, but isn't that a limitation? Having nothing is paradoxically having more. Interesting, isn't it, how things that make the least sense can mean the most.
I just want to be in this magnificent blender of experience where everything is magnificent and beautiful and appreciable and magnificent.
Yeah, appreciable. That's what I'm looking for.
And I just know it's there, it's here, and I am the only thing that's needed to see it. I am the final piece.
Who cares? I could be living in a cardboard box, and eating dogfood. If I'm experiencing more that way, is that better? Is doing something worth it just for the sake of doing it? Why is it that questions are the answers?
Maybe it isn't all just. It isn't is. It won't just be. It's all in the creation. It doesn't really exist. You just make it.
Curious, isn't it?
I have to drink up everything I can, suck it all in, because I only get this one chance. This one short, brief, little opportunity to experience everything I can.
I can throw away everything I've ever had. I could. I don't know if I could let myself, currently, but isn't that a limitation? Having nothing is paradoxically having more. Interesting, isn't it, how things that make the least sense can mean the most.
I just want to be in this magnificent blender of experience where everything is magnificent and beautiful and appreciable and magnificent.
Yeah, appreciable. That's what I'm looking for.
And I just know it's there, it's here, and I am the only thing that's needed to see it. I am the final piece.
Who cares? I could be living in a cardboard box, and eating dogfood. If I'm experiencing more that way, is that better? Is doing something worth it just for the sake of doing it? Why is it that questions are the answers?
Maybe it isn't all just. It isn't is. It won't just be. It's all in the creation. It doesn't really exist. You just make it.
Curious, isn't it?
08 August, 2010
Letter
This is a letter I wrote to my sister, who is 15, back in May. She was frustrated with fitting in and figuring out what she wanted to do. Here is my response.
Hello to you, my dear sister.
Because of I suffer from the same kind of predicaments, I don't know how much merit my advice carries, but I'll take a stab at doling some out.
As weird as this sounds, I think these are the best kinds of problems to have. You and I are very fortunate to have extremely supportive parents in everything we do, so our problems are diddly-squat compared to what some kids deal with. Starting with that in mind helps keep everything in perspective; We're lucky we can be concerned with such nuances of existence (e.g., besides survival).
It's tough, isn't it? What are we to dooooo? We're different, we're unique. I don't mean this in an egotistical way at all, but I think we can agree that we think differently than the majority of people you meet on the street.
In my quasi-philosophical thinking and writing, I have found that people are searching for relevance. People get in relationships, people apply for certain jobs, people move to specific cities, and people write blogs, among many, many other things. They do all this because they want to be recognized in some way. It doesn't have to be a grand parade with trumpets and cheering, but they want to feel like they fit in.
We are no exception. I, at least, certainly want to fit in. I want to be in harmony with my environment. While it is very important to be able to adapt to whatever situation you find yourself in, it's even more important to be able to create and shape the environment you want to live in. Only you can make things the way you want them to be.
If you don't know what you want (because I certainly don't know exactly what I want), it becomes a search. A noble quest, my liege! Indeed! You look and look and look for things you love, and when you find them, grab them! Pick those things up and keep them in your knapsack of life. Whether you're committing something to memory, taking a picture, or writing down the name of an author you want to devour when you get home after listening to NPR, it's all being added to your arsenal of resonance. It all becomes ammunition to attack the onslaught of mediocrity and apathy, sustenance for your voracious mind, and a palace of solace and peace.
Putting all ambiguous alliterations and analogies aside (heh heh), it's about finding and deciding who you want to be, and doing absolutely everything in your power to become that person. Be the independent pillar of thought and reason, compassion and caring, knowledge and insight.
I realize this is all very abstract and broad. When I ask someone for advice or help, I usually want specifics. Nitty-gritty details about the steps I need to take to solve a problem. Unfortunately, you'll rarely find that you get that level of specificity. This apparently unfortunate occurrence is actually a blessing in disguise. It may seem ridiculously frustrating and stupid in the beginning, but the fruit is so much sweeter at the end. By figuring out the steps and working through the trenches yourself, you will find out more about yourself and get a greater reward at the finish line. Sure, you might fall on your face in the mud, and you'll feel like a absolute fool, but get up. Wipe the mud off your face, spit it out of your teeth, and forge ahead. That's where you will truly gain useful experiences and build your character.
I think, at the point in life you are in right now, preparation is the key word. Start good habits now, because when you get out in the battlefield, everything reverts to muscle memory. If you start forming habits of reading a lot, critically thinking about just about everything, and approaching everything with an open mind, those resources will be there for the rest of your life.
Through various pursuits in my growing world, I am finding that my best friends are those who wholly accept me for who I am. But more than interacting with others, I am finding that I have to be my own best friend. I have to know myself, try to objectively analyze myself, and strive towards my goals.
As for specifics, the only one I will offer is this (broad though it is): Identify the first step. Pick whatever it is that you want -- be it a new iPod, a better attitude about getting up in the morning, or knowing how to fix cars -- and pick out what the first microscopic step is to achieving that goal. If you want to feel better in the mornings, look at your sleeping patterns. What makes you feel good or bad? Does eating affect it? Would a different alarm help? Once you figure out what will help, do that. Then move on to the next step.
(That "think of the first step" thing also helps a lot when talking to people, whether you love them or hate them. Figure out what you're trying to say, analyze how you're feeling at the moment [so you don't blow a gasket or something], and decide on the first step to communicating as clearly as possible.)
And if you're swimming in the sea of everything life has to offer (thinking about everything often leads to thinking about nothing), make your picture frame smaller. If your canvas is enormous, it's hard to fill. Instead of thinking of "Holy cow, what am I going to do with my ENTIRE LIFE?" think about something like "What kind of theatre do I want to do in the next three months?" Giving yourself a tighter framework and constraints of some kind often helps spur creativity and insight.
You want to know the best part of giving advice (or bizarre images and stories, as it may be)? It helps me figure out a lot of stuff to. Please write more deep questions like this. :-)
As I said, I know this doesn't touch on many specifics, but I hope it helps. You are unbelievably advanced and amazing as a human being, and it's only up from here. You're on the right track, so forge ahead and blaze a trail.
Talk to you soon.
Love,
-- James
Hello to you, my dear sister.
Because of I suffer from the same kind of predicaments, I don't know how much merit my advice carries, but I'll take a stab at doling some out.
As weird as this sounds, I think these are the best kinds of problems to have. You and I are very fortunate to have extremely supportive parents in everything we do, so our problems are diddly-squat compared to what some kids deal with. Starting with that in mind helps keep everything in perspective; We're lucky we can be concerned with such nuances of existence (e.g., besides survival).
It's tough, isn't it? What are we to dooooo? We're different, we're unique. I don't mean this in an egotistical way at all, but I think we can agree that we think differently than the majority of people you meet on the street.
In my quasi-philosophical thinking and writing, I have found that people are searching for relevance. People get in relationships, people apply for certain jobs, people move to specific cities, and people write blogs, among many, many other things. They do all this because they want to be recognized in some way. It doesn't have to be a grand parade with trumpets and cheering, but they want to feel like they fit in.
We are no exception. I, at least, certainly want to fit in. I want to be in harmony with my environment. While it is very important to be able to adapt to whatever situation you find yourself in, it's even more important to be able to create and shape the environment you want to live in. Only you can make things the way you want them to be.
If you don't know what you want (because I certainly don't know exactly what I want), it becomes a search. A noble quest, my liege! Indeed! You look and look and look for things you love, and when you find them, grab them! Pick those things up and keep them in your knapsack of life. Whether you're committing something to memory, taking a picture, or writing down the name of an author you want to devour when you get home after listening to NPR, it's all being added to your arsenal of resonance. It all becomes ammunition to attack the onslaught of mediocrity and apathy, sustenance for your voracious mind, and a palace of solace and peace.
Putting all ambiguous alliterations and analogies aside (heh heh), it's about finding and deciding who you want to be, and doing absolutely everything in your power to become that person. Be the independent pillar of thought and reason, compassion and caring, knowledge and insight.
I realize this is all very abstract and broad. When I ask someone for advice or help, I usually want specifics. Nitty-gritty details about the steps I need to take to solve a problem. Unfortunately, you'll rarely find that you get that level of specificity. This apparently unfortunate occurrence is actually a blessing in disguise. It may seem ridiculously frustrating and stupid in the beginning, but the fruit is so much sweeter at the end. By figuring out the steps and working through the trenches yourself, you will find out more about yourself and get a greater reward at the finish line. Sure, you might fall on your face in the mud, and you'll feel like a absolute fool, but get up. Wipe the mud off your face, spit it out of your teeth, and forge ahead. That's where you will truly gain useful experiences and build your character.
I think, at the point in life you are in right now, preparation is the key word. Start good habits now, because when you get out in the battlefield, everything reverts to muscle memory. If you start forming habits of reading a lot, critically thinking about just about everything, and approaching everything with an open mind, those resources will be there for the rest of your life.
Through various pursuits in my growing world, I am finding that my best friends are those who wholly accept me for who I am. But more than interacting with others, I am finding that I have to be my own best friend. I have to know myself, try to objectively analyze myself, and strive towards my goals.
As for specifics, the only one I will offer is this (broad though it is): Identify the first step. Pick whatever it is that you want -- be it a new iPod, a better attitude about getting up in the morning, or knowing how to fix cars -- and pick out what the first microscopic step is to achieving that goal. If you want to feel better in the mornings, look at your sleeping patterns. What makes you feel good or bad? Does eating affect it? Would a different alarm help? Once you figure out what will help, do that. Then move on to the next step.
(That "think of the first step" thing also helps a lot when talking to people, whether you love them or hate them. Figure out what you're trying to say, analyze how you're feeling at the moment [so you don't blow a gasket or something], and decide on the first step to communicating as clearly as possible.)
And if you're swimming in the sea of everything life has to offer (thinking about everything often leads to thinking about nothing), make your picture frame smaller. If your canvas is enormous, it's hard to fill. Instead of thinking of "Holy cow, what am I going to do with my ENTIRE LIFE?" think about something like "What kind of theatre do I want to do in the next three months?" Giving yourself a tighter framework and constraints of some kind often helps spur creativity and insight.
You want to know the best part of giving advice (or bizarre images and stories, as it may be)? It helps me figure out a lot of stuff to. Please write more deep questions like this. :-)
As I said, I know this doesn't touch on many specifics, but I hope it helps. You are unbelievably advanced and amazing as a human being, and it's only up from here. You're on the right track, so forge ahead and blaze a trail.
Talk to you soon.
Love,
-- James
11 July, 2010
Standards
It's interesting how standards shift over time. I'm thinking specifically about phones and web applications. Sound quality on cell phones (and land lines, for that matter) is terrible, and web apps are usually unbearably slow. Why is this accepted?
People accept what is normal to them. We all become accustomed to things. For typical phone use, sound quality has never been great. And for the next generation that use cell phones much more than land lines, dropped calls and even worse sound quality are normal. That's just the way it is. We've always been at war with Eurasia.
The same goes for web apps. The slow response time, frustratingly short session expirations, and relative reliability are normal. It takes a wise person or a person with a new perspective to see how things could be improved. How much of what we deal with is acceptable, and what needs work?
People accept what is normal to them. We all become accustomed to things. For typical phone use, sound quality has never been great. And for the next generation that use cell phones much more than land lines, dropped calls and even worse sound quality are normal. That's just the way it is. We've always been at war with Eurasia.
The same goes for web apps. The slow response time, frustratingly short session expirations, and relative reliability are normal. It takes a wise person or a person with a new perspective to see how things could be improved. How much of what we deal with is acceptable, and what needs work?
31 May, 2010
The Givers
Why is it that we, as human beings, sit around a large piece of wood or other material and use small, bizarre metal utensils to shove food into our faces? What, even, is the act of sitting? We, the strange bipedal creatures that we are, rarely question these things.
Concerning the face: Is eating or communicating more important?
Of course, these arbitrary examples and seemingly random statements are the caboose of a much longer train of thought. Forgive the brevity. More passengers of that train later, perhaps. Now, onward.
We have changed our paradigm. We expect things in different ways.
You graduate from high school, college, get your doctorate degree. You get appointed to an important company position. You become the President. You get married. You move into a new house. Someone passes away.
It becomes about the ceremony (as defined: an act or series of acts performed according to a traditional or prescribed form). We get lost in the faux-importance of the traditions. The graduation is expected; the wedding reception, expected. We feel obligated to give the new cutlery, the cheque in the greeting card. We have to give.
We have become the Givers. We relate and compare everything to our past experiences, relevance being our most sought-after value. Rather than allowing things to happen and living in the moment, we must manufacture an experience. All memories are malleable, and the present is molded to fit the relative — not absolute — model of our traditions, our ceremonies. We feel we must force on ourselves what is expected.
Wouldn't it be better to exist in the real world, rather than behind the facade of acts and fakery?
Rather than giving, just live. Just experience. Just be.
Concerning the face: Is eating or communicating more important?
Of course, these arbitrary examples and seemingly random statements are the caboose of a much longer train of thought. Forgive the brevity. More passengers of that train later, perhaps. Now, onward.
We have changed our paradigm. We expect things in different ways.
You graduate from high school, college, get your doctorate degree. You get appointed to an important company position. You become the President. You get married. You move into a new house. Someone passes away.
It becomes about the ceremony (as defined: an act or series of acts performed according to a traditional or prescribed form). We get lost in the faux-importance of the traditions. The graduation is expected; the wedding reception, expected. We feel obligated to give the new cutlery, the cheque in the greeting card. We have to give.
We have become the Givers. We relate and compare everything to our past experiences, relevance being our most sought-after value. Rather than allowing things to happen and living in the moment, we must manufacture an experience. All memories are malleable, and the present is molded to fit the relative — not absolute — model of our traditions, our ceremonies. We feel we must force on ourselves what is expected.
Wouldn't it be better to exist in the real world, rather than behind the facade of acts and fakery?
Rather than giving, just live. Just experience. Just be.
06 April, 2010
Discussions
I adore good discussions. Real talks. Genuine conversations. Call them what you will, they are fantastic. What I am realizing are the essential components of such talks.
First of all, every member of the discussion must be willing to participate. People who are dragged in contribute nothing positive. Secondly, lastly, and most importantly, people must be open to new ideas. They needn't accept other opinions, but without at least entertaining those ideas, nothing can be gained.
It's all about finding further insight into your own views and broadening your understandings. It may be a small epiphinette, but definitely worth remembering.
First of all, every member of the discussion must be willing to participate. People who are dragged in contribute nothing positive. Secondly, lastly, and most importantly, people must be open to new ideas. They needn't accept other opinions, but without at least entertaining those ideas, nothing can be gained.
It's all about finding further insight into your own views and broadening your understandings. It may be a small epiphinette, but definitely worth remembering.
29 March, 2010
Small Minds
Small-minded people sadden me and make me angry. It hurts to see the pain they bring to others and the tragedy of the worlds of opportunities they are denying themselves. It is out of caring and compassion that my anger is manifested. I want so much for them and for those they condemn, and their unwillingness to even attempt to understand foreign things or ideas completely destroys any possibility for growth and improvement.
It saddens me greatly.
13 March, 2010
Do
What are we if not defined by what we do? We can have thousands of incredibly lucid and moving thoughts, and it means absolutely nothing without action. The concept of knowledge without communication applies. In the context of bettering the state of mankind, knowledge without media to be transmitted across is useless. Knowledge (lucid thoughts) can be useful for personal exploration, but sharing (communication) is where you can define who you are.
Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things.
-- Ray Bradbury
30 December, 2009
Short
You know what lives a short life? Toothbrushes.
You know what lives an even shorter life? A soda can.
And do you you know what lives a shorter life still? Toilet paper.
Seriously. You use it for a while (the toothbrush), for maybe an hour (soda can), or for approximately 10 seconds (your brain. No, wait. Toilet paper.)
What kind of disposable society do we live in?
You know what lives an even shorter life? A soda can.
And do you you know what lives a shorter life still? Toilet paper.
Seriously. You use it for a while (the toothbrush), for maybe an hour (soda can), or for approximately 10 seconds (your brain. No, wait. Toilet paper.)
What kind of disposable society do we live in?
18 December, 2009
Insipid Existence
[rant] There simply MUST be a way for the world to be something other than it is. (See? I write that sentence, and immediately the answer hits me like a magic eight-ball to the skull.)
The answer! Is! ...serpective. Er, perspective.
I just have to look at things a different way.
[random] By the by, I love the people you see in book stores. Sometimes they're eclectic hipsters with a definite chic they're trying to attain. And sometimes they're frumpy old women who haven't worn a bra for 40 years with carpet bags for clothing. I love them all! [/random]
See things in a new light. If perception is reality, my perspective must become what I want my reality to be. Simple as that.
Simple in the sense that "I think, therefore I am," is simple. (AKA, ridiculously deep and practically mind-numbing. That kind of thinking should be left to people in musty libraries and regal churches. And me. For as everyone knows, I am a musty clergyman.)
Simple doesn't mean easy, and easy doesn't mean simple.
Such are the thoughts that late nights, driving, and In Our Bedroom After The War by Stars bring to mind. Adios. [/rant]
The answer! Is! ...serpective. Er, perspective.
I just have to look at things a different way.
[random] By the by, I love the people you see in book stores. Sometimes they're eclectic hipsters with a definite chic they're trying to attain. And sometimes they're frumpy old women who haven't worn a bra for 40 years with carpet bags for clothing. I love them all! [/random]
See things in a new light. If perception is reality, my perspective must become what I want my reality to be. Simple as that.
Simple in the sense that "I think, therefore I am," is simple. (AKA, ridiculously deep and practically mind-numbing. That kind of thinking should be left to people in musty libraries and regal churches. And me. For as everyone knows, I am a musty clergyman.)
Simple doesn't mean easy, and easy doesn't mean simple.
Such are the thoughts that late nights, driving, and In Our Bedroom After The War by Stars bring to mind. Adios. [/rant]
11 November, 2009
Life, Dreams, and the Purfuit of Happineff
The endless expanse of options gives me the musical-sounding, yet infuriating phrase we so affectionately call "analysis paralysis." Everything is so BIG. There's an entire world out there, and the word "world" can't even attempt to encompass the sheer magnitude of the vast, thought-provoking, cosmopolitan, incredible, fantastic universe we live in. Where do I even begin?
"The art of conversation is, like, kinda dead and stuff." If nothing else, I want to be able to communicate effectively. Through writing, speaking, film, photography, music and other audio productions, or theatre, the ability to succinctly transmit pertinent information is the most valuable and applicable skill anyone can posses.
In my quest for clear communication, the question then becomes what kind of information to convey. I have been focusing on the medium, but I have to direct my attention to the crux of my quest: The content.
I want to effectively transmit relevant, pertinent information to the future.
I want to know it all. Read, watch, listen, feel, taste, smell.
I want to care for and improve my instrument to the best of my abilities, vocally, physically, and emotionally.
I want to help people. Truly give assistance where it is needed.
I want to be able to connect the dots between seemingly unrelated aspects of the world and our existence.
I want my outer self to reflect my inner thoughts and feelings.
I found a quote recently that resonated at a particularly vibrant frequency:
"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: 'It's not where you take things from - it's where you take them to.'"-- Jim Jarmusch
What will best enable me to accomplish all of these things?
First of all, I need to realize how much my outlook affects my...uh, outlook. Every day can be an adventure full of life, learning, and new experiences. I simply have to make it so.
SO. Step #1. Numero uno, if you want to get all cultural. Select the content most important to me and the world. Pick the material with the greatest influence. Determine the substance with the greatest potential for power.
I must constantly inundate myself with wonderful, artistic matter, thus curing my brain like a fine European cheese. As a human, I must secrete celebratory energy that inspires and drives. All less-than-palatable verbs aside, I have to be all that I can be.
Broad concept: Achieved. Now, on to the specifics.
C'mon life, let's go.
07 August, 2009
Society
Society is screwed, to put it lightly. Did we really think that our economic models of infinite growth would last? I could be mistaken, but last I checked, we lived on a finite planet.It boggles my mind to look at the massive transportation infrastructure we've built all over the world and the powerful influences that determine how things will progress. Cars may be able to run on electricity or just water and sunlight, but that doesn't make money for Ford or Exxon. And while they rake in the profits of the current system, we, the tax-payers, are paying the price. Whether it's subsidies, simply maintaining roads, or bailing out the auto industry, it all comes back to the people who benefit from the current system and how much power they exert.
In the global business society our world is, appealing to corporate CEOs altruism isn't going to make a big difference. We have to work from the bottom up: If ordinary people change their ways and stand up for what they believe, the corporations, governments, and societies will change accordingly. They will always do what benefits them most. Get rid of the subsidies that make fast food cheaper than local produce, for example, and we're starting down the right path. If enough people take a stance, all the biting, kicking, and screaming the power elite does won't have any effect.
We have the power. Use it wisely.
03 August, 2009
30 July, 2009
23 July, 2009
Disparities
There is a disparity between my social self and my intellectual self. Being busy with other people simply distracts me from the things I really want to focus on. But there are aspects of my social side that do not get fulfilled when I am living a solitary existence. I start to feel like I have no drive; Like there is no point. Thus, the disparity between my two sides makes me horribly unproductive. The solution lies in bringing the sides together so they can collaborate. I need people that can think with me, not people who dill distract me from what I really want to do with my life.
There is so much in this world that needs fixing, and I feel drawn to help in whatever way I can. Though I may be more self-disciplined than some other people, I am not disciplined enough. I need other people to work with.
Everyone is always comparing themselves to a lower standard. "I may not be much, but I'm better than that guy over there," or so the logic goes. Immediately, I want to say that everyone needs to raise the bar and "get up to suck," but then I just feel like I am resorting to useless generalizations as always. "The world" and "everyone" are such vague terms that get used far too often, further decreasing our productivity.
It's the vicious cycle: I don't do anything, so I feel bad, which makes me do even less. It's been almost 4 years since I started this mode of "enlightenment," and this whirlpool has been here the entire time. I am always saying "Take action! DO something!" I am a shameless hypocrite with no spine.
So I write things like this. What else could I be doing with my time? I could be saving the entire human race from extinction for crying out loud! 1,001 things are out there in need of attention, but I can focus on them because of these ridiculous personal tribulations. Did Tesla or Orwell waste time on themselves?
Let's face it: I'm on a different plane, and I'm alone. Maybe it will end oh-so-classically and I'll die penniless, too.
That is all for now. I have pictures to take, novels to write, food to taste, foreign countries to visit, and a world to figure out and save. And I'm going to do it all sans pantalones. Booyah.
There is so much in this world that needs fixing, and I feel drawn to help in whatever way I can. Though I may be more self-disciplined than some other people, I am not disciplined enough. I need other people to work with.
Everyone is always comparing themselves to a lower standard. "I may not be much, but I'm better than that guy over there," or so the logic goes. Immediately, I want to say that everyone needs to raise the bar and "get up to suck," but then I just feel like I am resorting to useless generalizations as always. "The world" and "everyone" are such vague terms that get used far too often, further decreasing our productivity.
It's the vicious cycle: I don't do anything, so I feel bad, which makes me do even less. It's been almost 4 years since I started this mode of "enlightenment," and this whirlpool has been here the entire time. I am always saying "Take action! DO something!" I am a shameless hypocrite with no spine.
So I write things like this. What else could I be doing with my time? I could be saving the entire human race from extinction for crying out loud! 1,001 things are out there in need of attention, but I can focus on them because of these ridiculous personal tribulations. Did Tesla or Orwell waste time on themselves?
Let's face it: I'm on a different plane, and I'm alone. Maybe it will end oh-so-classically and I'll die penniless, too.
That is all for now. I have pictures to take, novels to write, food to taste, foreign countries to visit, and a world to figure out and save. And I'm going to do it all sans pantalones. Booyah.
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