La Calunnia - Paraphrased

I sang this song, La Calunnia from The Barber of Seville, in a recital a couple weeks ago, and one of my assignments was to paraphrase the song. College being the sometimes tedious thing it is, I decided to embellish the translation a bit. You can read the original Italian and translation here.

Slander comes along
softly touching cheeks of fair maidens
and just barely
ever so slightly
starts creeping in

With this quiet beginning
it whispers across from mouth to ear
many many times
all around the town
saying “Here I am!”
as it confuddles and bemuses
making the townspeople into regular bruises

Moving about
like a swelling sea
the swirling venom becomes more potent
with each victim it possesses
Armor clatters down, minds turn to cheese
and off in the distance
a great rumpus is heard
that gives your blood goosebumps and makes your skin run cold

Then the vicious volcano erupts
gaining more victims
and runs into the sea of venom
before helicopters arrive
and open fire on the viscous smoke
corroborating the cacophony
that reverberates in the victims’ ears.

The poor little lemming of a human
is utterly destroyed
by the lava, smoke, venom, and helicopters
and dies a sad, unceremonious death