23 July, 2009


There is a disparity between my social self and my intellectual self. Being busy with other people simply distracts me from the things I really want to focus on. But there are aspects of my social side that do not get fulfilled when I am living a solitary existence. I start to feel like I have no drive; Like there is no point. Thus, the disparity between my two sides makes me horribly unproductive. The solution lies in bringing the sides together so they can collaborate. I need people that can think with me, not people who dill distract me from what I really want to do with my life.

There is so much in this world that needs fixing, and I feel drawn to help in whatever way I can. Though I may be more self-disciplined than some other people, I am not disciplined enough. I need other people to work with.

Everyone is always comparing themselves to a lower standard. "I may not be much, but I'm better than that guy over there," or so the logic goes. Immediately, I want to say that everyone needs to raise the bar and "get up to suck," but then I just feel like I am resorting to useless generalizations as always. "The world" and "everyone" are such vague terms that get used far too often, further decreasing our productivity.

It's the vicious cycle: I don't do anything, so I feel bad, which makes me do even less. It's been almost 4 years since I started this mode of "enlightenment," and this whirlpool has been here the entire time. I am always saying "Take action! DO something!" I am a shameless hypocrite with no spine.

So I write things like this. What else could I be doing with my time? I could be saving the entire human race from extinction for crying out loud! 1,001 things are out there in need of attention, but I can focus on them because of these ridiculous personal tribulations. Did Tesla or Orwell waste time on themselves?

Let's face it: I'm on a different plane, and I'm alone. Maybe it will end oh-so-classically and I'll die penniless, too.

That is all for now. I have pictures to take, novels to write, food to taste, foreign countries to visit, and a world to figure out and save. And I'm going to do it all sans pantalones. Booyah.


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